The Gold Coast League : December 2016

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Final & Xmas Edition Power Rankings

As the sun sets on another Gold Coast fantasy season....

...few of us rejoice in Xmas cheer

for the long awaited playoffs are here.

It truly is the most beautiful time of the year.

And just because most of you endured some serious ass beatings

it doesn't mean you don't merit some warm holiday greetings.

The stockings are hung.

And your season is done.

The lights are up.

But your lineup fucked up.

And the presents sit nicely nestled under the tree.

But you just had to start Michael that traitor Crabtree.

You have no one to blame.. but yourself.

And no you cannot claim Santa's favorite elf.

So find your favorite spot along the couch.

And watch Kaeptain America takes this thing out.

Merry Xmas motherfuckers.

And although were all dicks..

We still want gifts..

and so we wrote our xmas lists.

So gather around the fire. Don't forget your cookies and hot cocoa.

Lets start with our beer bitch for 2017....

10) BonTito Freak

So Tito.. what's your letter read:

On a kleenex... wow.. someone's been naughty. Who's next? Oh, the other Tito...

9) Joaquin's Dream Team

So what's your letter to Santa say, Joaquin?

Very sweet. Heartwarming really. Now... Black Ruben?

8) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

What's your letter be saying?

Not a very hood xmas I see. Next?

7) Porky's Prime Cut

Ah Porky... hope you have something nice written.

Using one of your thrown out take out bags there. Way to go green on us.

6) Team Eulloqui

Married men have wish lists too. Lets see what you got there Jesse.

That would be a great fulfilling life Jesse. Nice Wish.

5) Big Ben's Peter

Now let's see what this out-of-the-playoffs-rapist wrote for Santa. Care to share Big Ben?

That's terrific.

Now lets go to our playoffs team shall we. Our 4th Seed?...

4) 302 Gold Rush

What's your gold-loving ass want for xmas??

I don't know how that'll be possible since all your shit is fake but that's none of my business.Next?

Oh.. our sure to lose third seed...

3) Rigo Suave

So what's on your xmas list? you no-game-having-little-bitch??

On silk. You fancy huh? Too bad silk doesn't cure Aids.. Next?

2) Kaptain America

Finally... someone who actually deserves something nice for Xmas. What's on your list? hero of everyone?

You're just a great human being.

Now on to our top Seed?

1) Sixxburgh Steelers

What do you have to say for Santa Mr. Most-proponent-to suffer-a-top-seed-upset??

Beautiful words there.

So that concludes our rankings for the 2016 Season. Soon it will be Christmas.

Some of you will be unwrapping W's... other's L's

But the most important thing to remember is that we are all a family and we should treat each other as such. Happy Holidays everyone.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Week 14 Power Rankings

Winter winds sweep through the Gold Coast once again...

You all know what that means....

Very few of us are still here standing... fighting..

-- the rest? Well....

Strong are ye who have weathered the perilous Gold Coast season thus far.

The time has come... and im afraid... I'm afraid only the strongest lineups will survive.

But before gearing for battle.. it is vital we remember all those no longer fighting.

10) BonTito Freak

Nothing freaky about this pole. RIP.

9) Joaquin's Dream Team

Go to sleep. RIP.

8) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

White as the Driven Snow. RIP.

7) Porky's Prime Cut

Fuck. RIP

And then there those who are at the brink of withering away into the gold coast oblivion.

6) Team Eulloqui

More gone than alive. On his deathbead.

5) Big Ben's Peter

This giant staggering just stay up.

4) Rigo Suave

Fighting... to stay in the top 4

3) 302 Gold Rush

Gloated about the golden crown too soon. Now pleads for a victory to stay alive.

2) Kaptain America

Ready for whoever comes in the 1st round. Gold Rush? Suaves? Bring it.

1) Sixxburgh Steelers

Sitting Pretty on the iron throne.

BONUS:

Random Funny Shit:

Le'Veon Bell is having a great game today in the snow. Wow. He might as well go by Jingle Bell, man. Somebody get this man a sleigh.
— Jon Gruden (@Faux_Gruden) December 11, 2016

A photo posted by Bleacher Report (@bleacherreport) on Dec 14, 2016 at 9:39am PST

A video posted by Bleacher Report (@bleacherreport) on Dec 13, 2016 at 11:19am PST

A video posted by Bleacher Report (@bleacherreport) on Dec 11, 2016 at 8:36pm PST

A photo posted by NFL Memes (@bestnflmemez) on Dec 12, 2016 at 7:01pm PST

A photo posted by NFL Memes (@bestnflmemez) on Dec 10, 2016 at 8:23pm PST

A photo posted by NFL MEMES (@nflmemes_ig) on Dec 13, 2016 at 9:48am PST

Bitch Move of the Week:

You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

for only scoring a whooping 87 points.

Genius Move of The Week:

Big Ben's Peter

for surviving a tremendous outing from the Falcon's Defense and Le'veon Bell's 90+ point day to remain alive in the playoff chase.

Best of Week 14:

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Week 13 Power Rankings

The playoffs draw nearer. The race grows closer. Big Ben and the Suaves are hitting the runway in hopes of catching that last spot.

10) BonTito Freak

The freaks fell once more this season, bringing their loss total to a grand 11. Had the freaks started Joe Flacco it would have been another story. But Flacco was left on the bench.

9) Joaquin's Dream Team

The Dream Team suffered it's fourth straight loss and another loss combined with a Freak win could mean a beer bitch playoff in week 15.