Winter winds sweep through the Gold Coast once again...
You all know what that means.... Very few of us are still here standing... fighting..
-- the rest? Well....
Strong are ye who have weathered the perilous Gold Coast season thus far. The time has come... and im afraid... I'm afraid only the strongest lineups will survive.
But before gearing for battle.. it is vital we remember all those no longer fighting. 10) BonTito Freak Nothing freaky about this pole. RIP.
9) Joaquin's Dream Team Go to sleep. RIP.
8) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde White as the Driven Snow. RIP.
7) Porky's Prime Cut Fuck. RIP
And then there those who are at the brink of withering away into the gold coast oblivion. 6) Team Eulloqui More gone than alive. On his deathbead.
5) Big Ben's Peter This giant staggering just stay up.
4) Rigo Suave Fighting... to stay in the top 4
3) 302 Gold Rush Gloated about the golden crown too soon. Now pleads for a victory to stay alive.
2) Kaptain America Ready for whoever comes in the 1st round. Gold Rush? Suaves? Bring it.
1) Sixxburgh Steelers Sitting Pretty on the iron throne.
BONUS: Random Funny Shit:
Le'Veon Bell is having a great game today in the snow. Wow. He might as well go by Jingle Bell, man. Somebody get this man a sleigh.
You Can Run But You Can't Hyde for only scoring a whooping 87 points. Genius Move of The Week:
Big Ben's Peter for surviving a tremendous outing from the Falcon's Defense and Le'veon Bell's 90+ point day to remain alive in the playoff chase. Best of Week 14:
The playoffs draw nearer. The race grows closer. Big Ben and the Suaves are hitting the runway in hopes of catching that last spot.
10) BonTito Freak The freaks fell once more this season, bringing their loss total to a grand 11. Had the freaks started Joe Flacco it would have been another story. But Flacco was left on the bench.
9) Joaquin's Dream Team The Dream Team suffered it's fourth straight loss and another loss combined with a Freak win could mean a beer bitch playoff in week 15.
8) You can Run but You can't Hyde Running nowhere fast!
7) Porky's Prime Cut It was Porky who got served the L this time.
6) Team Eulloqui At this point Jesse be wanting to come in for Gurley.
5) Big Ben's Peter It's Big Ben who's looking from the outside at the playoffs at the moment.
4) Rigo Suave Theres something magical going on with the Suaves.
3) 302 Gold Rush Still blingin'
2) Kaptain America Keepin America Great..
1) Sixxburgh Steelers Its a good view from the top.
Gold Coasters, Week 13 is upon us, meaning there are only three weeks left in the regular season. 3!!! Not 4, or 5... just 3. Seasons will be made and broken the next three weeks. If the Playoffs were to begin to day.. the matchups would look like this:
But they are not, so chill Beto. The race has grown tighter for the four coveted spots. 302 Gold Rush stands third with Rigo Suave, Big Ben's Peter, and Team Eulloqui all in a standstill with 6 wins each. And don't count out Porky's Prime Cuts with 5 wins. One team we can count out is BonTito Freak... as he comes in at the bottom of our rankings. 10) Bon Tito Freak
The season has not gone the way the freak intended and now he is left to pick up the broken pieces. He seems to be the prime beer bitch candidate for the 2017 draft. The freaks will have to get extra naughty if they want to avoid what right now seems inevitable. What do you think Tito.. Size Large??
Don't Worry... it's nipple proof. Better grab a sharpie & start practicing that signature, freak. It's gonna be the first one on this shirt.
And now me move on to our next beer bitch candidate... coming it at 9... 9) Joaquin's Dream Team The dream team is in the middle of a three game losing streak and finds itself at a season-low, 9th ranking.
He's lost twice as many games as he's won.
He can say goodbye to the playoffs.
8) You Can Run But You Can't Hide
It's been a tough season for Black Ruben. Is he black? Is he white? He's just very confused. There's been a lot of time for reflection.
What's sad is that he can't run away from his problems. But Black Ruben can dream.
7) Porky's Prime Cuts
Porky is back in business after the massacre that was unleashed upon Joaquin this past thanksgiving weekend.
Doors are open...
No Need for reservations...
Servers are ready....
...ready to serve those L to anyone that wants them...
6) Big Ben's Peter 2 straight losses has brought Big Ben all the way down to 6.
No the 6th spot does not come with 6 chicks Big Ben. The 6th spot comes with nothing. Except a clean road to the consolation bracket.
(Kuddos if you remember where this is from)
Big Ben will have to start racking up some big wins as we hit the home stretch if he wants to make it to the big dance.
5) Team Eulloqui This rookie has come on strong as of late, coming in clutch with two wins when he needed them the most. He couldn't believe it.. as we have a live look in after he checked the game score Monday night:
Must be the alcohol.. there's no other logical explanation for his recent success.
4) Rigo Suave Suave was really feeling confident before that matchup, but his inner self knew better.
Just no luck for the suaves this week. He can't even get it on facebook anymore.
A couple of besties!! That's What Rigo and the loss column are. Just a couple of buddies.
Suave, why you losing so hard??
Well one positive thing that's come from week 12 is that he would currently make the playoffs as a 4th seed.
The suaves will have to pick their game up if they want to remain in the playoff bracket.
3) 302 Gold Rush 302 smoked the suaves... moving back into the top 3.
Feeling like:
Cam Newton finally came in clutch, defeating his old team.
2) Kaptain America America reacquainted itself with its winning ways. America has announced it's three week plan to improve heading to the playoffs... and it is a great one!
Kaptain America killed Fidel Castro with just the slip of a shirt.
We have already set out his wardrobe for the following press conference:
Which brings us to... 1) Sixburgh Steelers
The 6god had to sweat out a close match with the last place freaks. It was a nervous moment Monday night when the freaks were within 15 points of pulling the upset.
But the 6god was victorious and is only stronger for it. The victory has now secured the 6god with a playoff berth.
Who will be next? Tune in to the Week 13 Rankings to find out: Bonus:
