Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Final & Xmas Edition Power Rankings


As the sun sets on another Gold Coast fantasy season....



...few of us rejoice in Xmas cheer 
for the long awaited  playoffs are here.

It truly is the most beautiful time of the year.



And just because most of you endured some serious ass beatings
 it doesn't mean you don't merit some warm holiday greetings.



The stockings are hung.
And your season is done.                 

The lights are up.
But your lineup fucked up.

And the presents sit nicely nestled under the tree.
But you just had to start Michael that traitor Crabtree.

You have no one to blame.. but yourself.
And no you cannot claim Santa's favorite elf.

So find your favorite spot along the couch.
And watch Kaeptain America takes this thing out.

Merry Xmas motherfuckers.




And although were all dicks..
We still want gifts..
and so we wrote our xmas lists.

So gather around the fire. Don't forget your cookies and hot cocoa. 

Lets start with our beer bitch for 2017....

10) BonTito Freak

So Tito.. what's your letter read:




On a kleenex... wow.. someone's been naughty.  Who's next? Oh, the other Tito...


9) Joaquin's Dream Team

So what's your letter to Santa say, Joaquin?



Very sweet. Heartwarming really.  Now... Black Ruben?


8) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

What's your letter be saying?




Not a very hood xmas I see.  Next?


7) Porky's Prime Cut

Ah Porky... hope you have something nice written.



Using one of your thrown out take out bags there. Way to go green on us. 

6) Team Eulloqui

Married men have wish lists too. Lets see what you got there Jesse.





That would be a great fulfilling life Jesse. Nice Wish. 


5) Big Ben's Peter

Now let's see what this out-of-the-playoffs-rapist wrote for Santa. Care to share Big Ben?




That's terrific. 

Now lets go to our playoffs team shall we. Our 4th Seed?...

4) 302 Gold Rush

What's your gold-loving ass want for xmas??


I don't know how that'll be possible since all your shit is fake but that's none of my business.Next?

Oh.. our sure to lose third seed...


3) Rigo Suave

So what's on your xmas list? you no-game-having-little-bitch?? 


On silk. You fancy huh? Too bad silk doesn't cure Aids.. Next?

2) Kaptain America

Finally... someone who actually deserves something nice for Xmas. What's on your list?  hero of everyone? 


You're just a great human being. 

Now on to our top Seed? 


1) Sixxburgh Steelers

What do you have to say for Santa Mr. Most-proponent-to suffer-a-top-seed-upset??


Beautiful words there. 


So that concludes our rankings for the 2016 Season. Soon it will be Christmas. 


Some of you will be unwrapping W's... other's L's




But the most important thing to remember is that we are all a family and we should treat each other as such. Happy Holidays everyone. 





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Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Week 14 Power Rankings

Winter winds sweep through the Gold Coast once again...

You all know what that means....

 Very few of us are still here standing... fighting..


-- the rest? Well....

Strong are ye who have weathered the perilous Gold Coast season thus far.

 The time has come... and im afraid... I'm afraid only the strongest lineups will survive.


But before gearing for battle.. it is vital we remember all those no longer fighting.
10) BonTito Freak

 Nothing freaky about this pole. RIP.




9) Joaquin's Dream Team

 Go to sleep. RIP.


8) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

 White as the Driven Snow. RIP.


7) Porky's Prime Cut

 Fuck. RIP



And then there those who are at the brink of withering away into the gold coast oblivion.
6) Team Eulloqui

 More gone than alive. On his deathbead.




5) Big Ben's Peter

 This giant staggering just stay up.



4) Rigo Suave

 Fighting... to stay in the top 4


3) 302 Gold Rush

 Gloated about the golden crown too soon. Now pleads for a victory to stay alive.



2) Kaptain America

 Ready for whoever comes in the 1st round. Gold Rush? Suaves? Bring it. 


1) Sixxburgh Steelers

 Sitting Pretty on the iron throne.


BONUS:

Random Funny Shit:











A photo posted by NFL Memes (@bestnflmemez) on

A photo posted by NFL Memes (@bestnflmemez) on

A photo posted by NFL MEMES (@nflmemes_ig) on



Bitch Move of the Week:



You Can Run But You Can't Hyde 

 for only scoring a whooping 87 points.

Genius Move of The Week:


Big Ben's Peter

 for surviving a tremendous outing from the Falcon's Defense and  Le'veon Bell's 90+ point day to remain alive in the playoff chase.
Best of Week 14:








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Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Week 13 Power Rankings

The playoffs draw nearer. The race grows closer. Big Ben and the Suaves are hitting the runway in hopes of catching that last spot.





10) BonTito Freak

 The freaks fell once more this season, bringing their loss total to a grand 11. Had the freaks started Joe Flacco it would have been another story. But Flacco was left on the bench.



9) Joaquin's Dream Team

 The Dream Team suffered it's  fourth straight loss and another loss combined with a Freak win could mean a beer bitch playoff in week 15.

8) You can Run but You can't Hyde

 Running nowhere fast!


7) Porky's Prime Cut

 It was Porky who got served the L this time.





6) Team Eulloqui

 At this point Jesse be wanting to come in for Gurley. 

5) Big Ben's Peter

 It's Big Ben who's looking from the outside at the playoffs at the moment. 



4) Rigo Suave

 Theres something magical going on with the Suaves.


3) 302 Gold Rush

 Still blingin'


2) Kaptain America

 Keepin America Great..


1) Sixxburgh Steelers

 Its a good view from the top.

Bonus:
Random Funny Shit:




A photo posted by NFL Memes (@bestnflmemez) on

A photo posted by NFL MEMES (@nflmemes_ig) on

A photo posted by NFL MEMES (@nflmemes_ig) on

A photo posted by NFL MEMES (@nflmemes_ig) on



Bitch Move of the Week:

 You Can Run But You Can't Hyde for starting Mariota who's on a Bye



Genius Move of the Week:

 302 Gold Rush for scoring a grand total of  255 points.


Best of Week 13:


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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Week 12 Power Rankings

Gold Coasters,

 Week 13 is upon us, meaning there are only three weeks left in the regular season.

 3!!! Not 4, or 5... just 3.

 Seasons will be made and broken the next three weeks.

 If the Playoffs were to begin to day.. the matchups would look like this:

But they are not, so chill Beto.

 The race has grown tighter for the four coveted spots. 302 Gold Rush stands third with  Rigo Suave, Big Ben's Peter, and Team Eulloqui all in a standstill with 6 wins each.

 And don't count out Porky's Prime Cuts with 5 wins.

 One team we can count out is BonTito Freak... as he comes in at the bottom of our rankings.

 10) Bon Tito Freak

The season has not gone the way the freak intended and now he is left to pick up the broken pieces. He seems to be the prime beer bitch candidate for the 2017 draft. The freaks will have to get extra naughty if they want to avoid what right now seems inevitable.

 What do you think Tito.. Size Large??


Don't Worry... it's nipple proof.

Better grab a sharpie & start practicing that signature, freak. It's gonna be the first one on this shirt.



And now me move on to our next beer bitch candidate... coming it at 9...
9)  Joaquin's Dream Team

 The dream team is in the middle of a three game losing streak and finds itself at a season-low, 9th ranking.


He's lost twice as many games as he's won.


He can say goodbye to the playoffs.



8) You Can Run But You Can't Hide


It's been a tough season for Black Ruben. Is he black? Is he white? He's just very confused. There's been a lot of time for reflection.


What's sad is that he can't run away from his problems. But Black Ruben can dream.








7) Porky's Prime Cuts

Porky is back in business after the massacre that was unleashed upon Joaquin this past thanksgiving weekend. 


Doors are open...


No Need for reservations...




Servers are ready....



...ready to serve those L to anyone that wants them...


6)  Big Ben's Peter

 2 straight losses has brought Big Ben all the way down to 6.





No the 6th spot does not come with 6 chicks Big Ben. The 6th spot comes with nothing. Except a clean road to the consolation bracket.
(Kuddos if you remember where this is from)
Big Ben will have to start racking up some big wins as we hit the home stretch if he wants to make it to the big dance.


5) Team Eulloqui

 This rookie has come on strong as of late, coming in clutch with two wins when he needed them the most.

 He couldn't believe it.. as we have a live look in after he checked the game score Monday night:




Must be the alcohol.. there's no other logical explanation for his recent success.
4) Rigo Suave

 Suave was really feeling confident before that matchup, but his inner self knew better.

Just no luck for the suaves this week. He can't even get it on facebook anymore.

A couple of besties!! That's What Rigo and the loss column are. Just a couple of buddies. 

Suave, why you losing so hard?? 

Well one positive thing that's come from week 12 is that he would currently make the playoffs as a 4th seed. 

The suaves will have to pick their game up if they want to remain in the playoff bracket.



 3) 302 Gold Rush

 302 smoked the suaves... moving back into the top 3. 

Feeling like:

Cam Newton finally came in clutch, defeating his old team.




2) Kaptain America

 America reacquainted itself with its winning ways. America has announced it's three week plan to improve heading to the playoffs... and it is a great one!


Kaptain America killed Fidel Castro with just the slip of a shirt. 

We have already set out his wardrobe for the following press conference:


Which brings us to...
1) Sixburgh Steelers 

 The 6god had to sweat out a close match with the last place freaks. It was a nervous moment Monday night when the freaks were within 15 points of pulling the upset.



But the 6god was victorious and is only stronger for it. The victory has now secured  the 6god with a playoff berth.




Who will be next? Tune in to the Week 13 Rankings to find out:
Bonus:

Random Funny Shit:


Dez Bryant and Josh Norman settle their feud in the ring.

A video posted by Bleacher Report (@bleacherreport) on

 




Bitch Move of the Week:



You Can Run But You Can't Hyde  

 for sitting Terrell Pryor (31 pts) for Brandin Cooks (0) in a matchup where he lost by 30.
Genius Move of the Week:



Porky's Prime Cuts

 For scoring 223 pts, more than anyone... headlined by Aaron Rodgers with 59 points.

Best of Week 12:
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