Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Week 10 Power Rankings



Before we begin.. press play... just for the following part...





Ohhhh, yeahhh.

 Well hello there, welcome to freak headquarters... where we catch the freak in the middle of a romantic setting to celebrate his first win of the year.

  He got freaky naughty with that line up and gave it to the pork good. But of course, the freak is a gentleman first and as so... he wooed and courted  the porky first.


Steffon Diggs emerged and made the pork pay for letting him go.
You fucked up homie

 In other words... he ain't scared of that bacon.. bacon  is good for him...


The freak re encountered his mojo and the league should be weary. Some waiver wire pick ups have begun to pay off.

 The freaks are doing everything in their power to not be the beer bitch.

 Unfortunately the win is not not enough to push him up in the rankings and so we move on with...
9) Porky's Prime Cuts

 Porky's Prime Cuts  become the first team to fall to the freaks. It's been hard just to keep the doors open at Porky's with the franchise in such a bad state.




It's incredibly unlikely the porky clinches a playoff berth and so the rest of his season turns into a fight to not become the beer bitch... his competition? The team that just beat him.

 8) Team Eulloqui

 It's been a tough three game losing streak for the Eulloqui's. They can't seem to get

 Jesse at start of the season:


and Jesse now:

It's a sad time for this franchise. There's no more sneaking up on opponents. We can see the Eulloqui's coming a mile away.

 Just ask Black Ruben...

And the 6god definitely saw him coming:



 7)  Joaquin's Dream Team

 It's been a less than ideal season for this team. Not the dream season they intended. After suffering a loss to Black Ruben, Joaquin dream team finds itself in an all time low.

 But that doesn't mean Joaquin's stopped dreaming.


6) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

 Black Ruben has put together a three week win streak. And for doing so he's jumped up the rankings. He's left the suburbs for the hood.. traded the newbalances for the nikes.

 Hes not quite Wesley Snipes yet... but he's fucking trying alright...Thug Life.



5) Rigo Suave

 RIGO!! RIGO!!!! DONT YOU EVER FUCKING TALK ABOUT ME!  dON'T YOU EVER SPEAK ABOUT THE BEST!! ]

 WHEN YOU TRY ME WITH A SORRY ASS LINE UP LIKE GORDON AND BRYANT, BRADY & ADAMS THAT'S WHAT YOURE GONNA GET.

 DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TALK ABOUT ME. I'M THE BEST IN THE GAME...

 WHOOOO...


Better luck next time rook!
4) 302 Gold Rush

 302 holds close to playoff life. Suffering a loss to Big Ben would usually signify a fall from the top four, but he has Beto's sucky ass team to thank for that.

 Legarrete Blount and Cam Newton. Matt Forte and Jarvis Landry. It just wasn't enough.

 The gold not in great spirits right now...


And we all know the reason why 302 has been losing the past few weeks..

It's Cam and and those stupid fucking hats.. I mean what's he suppose to be here.. a pachuco or something. Sad to think 302 let Tom Brady go for this zoot suit.


Regardless, it's been a shaky few weeks for the defending champs. He's been swerving up and down the top 4.

302 better get a better grip and take control of his team if he wants to stay in the top 4. The suaves are right behind them.

 3) Big Ben's Peter

 It was a close match but Big Ben's Peter came out triumphant ...


He had a little too much fun celebrating that victory however...




 His Big Ben dipped in gold after that result.

Let's see how long he can hold on to the number 3 spot.
2) Sixburgh Steelers

 The 6god bounced back to his winning ways after suffering his first loss to the Suaves, but it wasn't enough to jump back into the number one spot.

 It was a bittersweet feeling.


The good news for the 6gos is that he faces a familiar foe in his brother in law, Black Ruben.


And still... remaining at number 1....

Kaptain America

 Stand up motherfuckers. I'm still the #1 Stunner.. Put some respeck on my name.

Guys... im sorry but America! USA!

Too Soon? I don't fucking care..Why?? Yep... you guessed it... because I'm number one.... Again.

 Zeke making it look easy.


Random Funny Shit:
A photo posted by NFL Memes (@bestnflmemez) on




Bitch Move of The Week:

302 Gold Rush

 for benching Delanie Walker  (35) for Zach Miller (6) ...had he started Walker, he wouldve beat Big Ben's Peterson by 3 points. Ouch.

 Genius Move of The Week:

Bon Tito Freak 

 for using Steffon Diggs (previously owned by Porky) against the Prime Cuts, himself. It was masterful. And also for getting his first W of the season.

 Best of Week 10:





Posted by at No comments:

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Week 9 Power Rankings














Gold Coasters,  I'm getting word of a violent transgression was committed earlier today. All we know is that one of our own was gravely injured.  Please stand by for further details..

Wait..

 -- "what is that??.... we have the report?" ....

Coasters.. we now have the news coverage: 

   

Yes... this images are coming to us live from Sixburgh.

The 6god has gone down!!!! 

I repeat the  6god has gone down!!!!





It's a sad night in the 6.






... 

.. we're getting more live images...



We're getting footage of the prime suspect being taken.. please watch:

--" oh what was that ?? we have a picture of the perpetrator in custody??" 

Here .. we're getting a picture of the culprit in custody:



He does not seem to be regretful  of his actions by the look of his mugshot.

Wow... well please stay tuned for further details.

Reports from the 6 aside.. we must report that it is election night, the biggest night in America. And as thus occasion demand (because America is the greatest nation in the world) we will be having an all out American, Election, Starspangled fucking banner version of the rankings...

Yankee doodle dandee you bitches! 

'merica!!!

So lets get started you fucking illegals. Coming in at 10... 

10) BonTito Freak...

Well, what can we say that hasn't already been said? It's just been a tough season for the freaks. If they have anything going for them it's that they won't be deported because the freaks go out and vote in masses. 


Isn't that great.     * No saliva was used in the seal for this ballot.*

9)  Porky's Prime Cut

Things looked to be trending upwards for the pork.. but recent polls tell us he's down by like 8 fucking wins. 

Country's going kosher. 







8) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

Through the measure of Affirmative Action Black Ruben was awarded a win during week 8. It is these types of policies that ensure parody in our Gold Coast. They are vital to maintaining fantasy leagues equal and fair. You're  welcome.

  




No more all white fantasy football leagues.




Not that we're white... but you get it.     'mericah.  

7) Team Eulloqui

I've shared my opinions of these terrorists  with you all before. But i'll say it again! Out with them! They have taken win from the Kaptain America one too many times. They have beat us to waiver wire additions and I cannot stand to see any more of it. Expel these Eulloqui's from our shores. 

Sure they blend in at first....


start partying with you...



Start dating your family members... cousins...


Sneak into your fantasy league... 

and thats when they fuck you!  Then it's too late. Thats when they've won. 

Let's go code red on these motherfuckers.



No more terrorism in fantasy football leagues.



6) Joaquin's Dream Team

The dream is not dead. It remains. It refuses to die. Somehow someway it finds itself with a chance to win. 

Joaquin.. if you're team was a candidate.. it would this guy:



No one wants to see you win. But somehow.. some fucking way the dream always has a chance. 

This would be a nightmare we'd all would like to wake up from.


5) Big Ben's Peter

Nothing says America like rape. Looks like Big Ben took his homie trumps advice about grabbing them by the pussy too serious.



Oh yeah... he's waving that terrible towel now..



But this week it was Big Ben taking all the raping. That whole line up did.. at the hands of the Kaptain. Even trump had some words to describe Big Ben's Peter's lineup.


4) Rigo Suave

Breaking the top 4 in the polls for the first time are the Suaves. So smooth these guys so suave... just like one of our past  presidents.






Check Rigos new mixtape covers..




Here a track from one of the tapes.




He's so slick now he's slipping into dm's just to curve those hoes..




3) 302 Gold Rush

Well with Trump currently winning the election, gold value has gone down drastically. 
Sadly, this is what's being done with America's gold resources at the moment.



Gold is losing value by the minute.





I pity the foo with all that gold right now.



2) Sixburgh Steelers

The six is in mourning. It's god has fallen. 






You can circle an L on his ballot. For the first time this season.. the six has lost. 

And now for our new number 1 
....
... only fitting on this election day 2016
... 
... that we find...
...

1) Kaptain America 

America the great... America the beautiful... America, number one..



Glad you agree black ruben.









My current anthem...




So until further notice here are the rankings.  In all seriousness lets pray to god Trump doesn't win.

Bonus:

Random Funny Shit:
Bitch Move of the Week:

Bon Tito Freak

 for starting Marvin Jones and having the least points scored this past week.
Genius Move of the Week:


Rigo Suave

 for taking down the previous undefeated 6god. And Melvin Gordon.. that's a baaad man.
The League Video of the Week:

 In spirit of all the shaky ballot cheating we've endured by republicans in the past..

Best of Week 9:






Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)