The day has come Gold Coast.
The feast is upon us. The table is set. The food ready.
But before we indulge in all of this deliciousness we must remember that today is a day to be thankful. So lets have the presence of mind to say grace before stuffing our eat holes.
So please join me as I say grace...
"Dear Baby Fantasy Jesus ,
Bless O Fantasy Lord these, thy gifts we are about to receive.. that you have o so graciously bestowed upon us here on our golden shores.
Let it nourish our minds so that we can set the best possible lineups as we embark on this journey called Week 12.
Let it fill our soul with peace so we can watch this fantastic Thanksgiving lineup of games without breaking our Tv.
Let it strengthen our eyes so that they not deceive us when we check our scores.
And most importantly...
Let it humble our hearts so that we look to our fantasy brethren with love and not hate. Except Jesse.. we may look at him however we fuckin wish because he doesn't always win but when he does that fucking terrorist wins by the narrowest of margins. He can choke on a turkey leg for all I care.. at least that way we could all sleep sound at night knowing he won't fuck us with Greg Olsen and his outstanding 6 points.
........ Amen."
Now let's feast.
Now as we will go around the table and everyone will share what they are grateful for this fantasy season. We'll start with our last place team and go up from there.
10) BonTito Freak
Well I am thankful for Joaquin's Dream Team sucking so much and giving me my second win of the season. I am also thankful for Le'Veon tearing shit up the last week.
Also guys.. if the food tastes a little funny... I apologize. I couldn't help myself.
I used my new cookbook if any of ya'll wanna borrow.
9) You Can Run But You Can't Hyde
Damn! Why you do the pie like that brotha??
Well... I'm thankful for claiming Marcus Mariota off waivers. He's been off da chain ya digg?
I'm also thankful for this delicious plate of food. I wish my lineup was half as good.
Why AJ? Whyyy?
8) Porky's Prime Cut
It's alright Black Ruben at least you're not a fucking cannibal like me. But I don't give a fuck. I will still share that I'm thankful for Mike Evans, the number two WR in fantasy. Oink Oink.
Also I had to close Prime Cuts to be here with you guys.
7) Joaquin's Dream Team
Sorry about Prime Cuts Porky, but before I proceed I have to say that I still have a dream and that is to not suck at fantasy so much anymore. It's a tall order bc I'm just worthless when it comes to fantasy. But I am thankful for Andrew Luck, although he chose this week of all weeks to get a concussion.
Wait i feel a thanksgiving stomach concussion coming. Sweet Dreams guys.
Thanks Joaquin.. Well I just want to thank America for giving this poor Mexican two wins he didn't deserve. That's all I got. You Big Ben??
5) Big Ben's Peter
Well I for one am thankful for drunk chicks and my big--- Oh in fantasy football? Oh oh ok.. gottcha. My bad. Wait I think I ate too much...
But If i have to name what I'm thankful for ...well... I'm thankful for myself I guess. Yeah. Me.
We would suck if not for me slinging it around. And no I'm not talking about my---
4) 302's Gold Rush
I'll take it from here Big guy.. And I am thankful for Legarrette Blount.. a top 5 RB. Simple as that. I would also be thankful for another patriot but I traded him.
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!
But at least my turkey's legit.
Yeah this season turned on me after that I trade and I have no one to thank but myself. Fuck. Whose next? Who?? Oh no.. not him. anyone but him... he's eating with the big boys now??
3) Rigo Suave
That's right Gold. And...well... I'm thankful for a lot of things... but above all im thankful to be sitting at the table with all you guys.. for accepting me as one of your own... for welcoming me into your prestigious Gold Coast League. You guys are awesome. I am terribly honored to just be mentioned in the same breath as a Kaptain America or the 6God. Wow. I'm just thankful. Thanks guys.
Oh ...also for Magic Johnson.. for showing me there's life after Aids. I wouldn't be here without his inspiration.
Bon appetite fellas.
Oh and my favorite thanksgiving food is ass. With a drizzle of gravy... just yum. Nothing beats it. Except balls and cock. But I eat that on the "reg" so.. oops, shit already said more than I wanted to.. Ivan?? what are you thankful for?
2) Kaptain America
Cheers to that Suave. Not judging.
Well, I'd like to start by acknowledging that I have been blessed on many fronts this fantasy season. Where should I start?
-302 and Big Ben not having the balls to take a rookie stud runningback with the first two picks (Zeke).
-Black Ruben dropping Jay Ajayi... leading him right to my lap. I don't know why he did that. I thought they were cousins. They are right??
I could go on and on but just want to say count your blessings guys... chances are you have more of those than wins. Ok, now I'm just being petty and that's not what Thanksgiving's about I'll stop.
Also, Im confused as to what I should eat first... help me out??
Take it away 6 God.
1) Sixburgh Steelers
As head of the table, I just want to say that I'm not your equal. I am the 6god. I have more wins and more points than any of you.
"And like a potluck, you need to come with it.." and none of you are coming with "it". I did.
"I have a very big team" and they need very big turkey wings.
But if I must be thankful for something I am thankful for Demarco's Murray's toe for staying strong. Also, I'd Like to thank Kaptain America for not building a wall and allowing Amari and Carr to return safely to my lineup.
Oh and I'd also like to thank him for forgetting about waiver wire Wednesday and allowing me to grab Rawls.
I'm eating good these days.. that's all I have to say.
And now that all of us have shared our blessing... time to eat and watch some football!!!!!
Bonus:
The League Video of the Week:
Thanksgiving with the Ruxins.
Random Funny Shit:
Trying to guard Amari Cooper is like a tall guy having a small blanket. He's not going to be covered, man. Talk about being cold.— Jon Gruden (@Faux_Gruden) November 22, 2016
I'll tell ya what, I wouldn't mind seeing some Araña Dos Y Plátano tonight. That's Spider 2 Y Banana in Spanish, man. I love it.— Jon Gruden (@Faux_Gruden) November 22, 2016
Bitch Move of the Week:
Kaptain America
for allowing Rookie Team Eulloqui to sweep him.
Genius Move of The Week:
Rigo Suave
for starting Rob Kelley and moving into the top 3.
Best of Thanksgiving NFL:
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