Week 2 Power Rankings

Last Week there was 4....

This week only dos

Yes, only two undefeated teams remain... and after this week there will only be...

Only one team will have the honor and privilege to be undefeated after the dust of week 3 settles.

After a rematch of 2017's Gold Bowl, Kaptain America squeaked out a win against Engineering Champions and will face none other than the newcomers Dude Where's my Carr in what will be the most anticipated matchup in Week 3.

Sadly not all teams can be undefeated, and thats why theyre at the bottom of  the rankings

Coming in at the Beer Bitch position is:

8) Chingones de Zac.

These Chingones gave Dude Where's my Carr everything they could handle.

Green got off to a hot start with 3 tds on Thursday Night.

Stafford threw for 300+ and 3 tds 

but it was not enough for W. 

And guess what, that doesn't matter. Cry us a river all the way to Zacatecas. A few more of these losses, and we're gonna have to change your name to Beer Bitches de Zac.

Recently captured images of the players show bad body language and that does not bode well for these chingones.

But hey, at least no one retired from the team during half time.

7) Bon TitoFreak

Making some serious contention for that Beer Bitch spot are these freaks. No one got lucky this past weekend after the shellacking they received at the hands of Porky's Prime Cuts. 

Juju Smith Schuster has been the one bright spot in this rather lackluster team. 

OBJ is practicing dance moves instead of running routes.

Tom Brady is out here kissing his kid instead of throwing Td's.

What a freak. That is pretty fucking gay. And so is this team.

6)  Rigo Suave

The Suaves got their first win of the season defeating  his arch nemesis  Fx4 Gold Rush. The Suaves had collective win with big days from Cam. Hop. Kelce. And Conner.

And that is something that will probably not happen again throughout the season. But if they wish to keep racking wins they'll need Leveon back soon. He has not reported back to the team. We wonder where he must be.

Leveon?  Leveon is that you?

Shit, yeah. He's busy. Not reporting back anytime soon.

5) FX4 Gold Rush

Despite having the poorest showing in week 2, the Gold Rush only fell two spots in the rankings. The rush scored a measly 110 points. His bench outscored his line up by 88 points. 88!!!!!

That is all. I will refrain from trashing this sad team any further. 

4) Porky's Prime Cuts

Porky's was popping this weekend, dishing out cuts.... and L's too apparently. Porky's squad scored a season high 244 points. Watson? Balled. McCaffrey? Balled. Elliot? Well he's gay. But everything is running smooth at Porky's at the moment.

Mood:

3) Engineering Champions

Down goes Frazier... down goes Frazier!!!

Thats right Todd Fucking Gurley! America wins... America always wins.

Against popular opinion, the reigning champs suffered their first loss to  Kaptain America in what proved to be close battle. 

Todd Gurley's 3 tds was not enough. Brees' 2 Tds was not enough. and Gronk's 3 points was definitely not enough.

yeah, who fucking knows gronk.

2) Dude Where's My Carr?

Hooooly shiiiiiii

The rook is undefeated and in 2nd place in the rankings. No one saw this coming. No one. The Dudes are cruising through the Gold Coast. 

Is that Benzo your car?? 

Let's see if the wheels don't fall off against America.

1) Kaptain America

America is great once again!! 

America stands undefeated against the powers that be.And Aaron has a message to all the naysayers.

That's right shhhhhhhhhh all the way into next week.

Genius Move of the Week:

Porky's Prime Cut for setting the lineup that has scored the highest points from any team all season. Deshaun Watson leading the way with 52.

Bitch Move of the Week:

FX4 Gold Rush for scoring a pathetic 110, the lowest of any team so far. The rush left a grand total of 198 points on the bench.

Highlights:

NFL:

College:

Week 1 Power Rankings

Well,

                        well,
            
                                                    well.........


The vaunted Power Rankings are back!!!!

 

No one will be spared.  Feelings will be hurt. Tears will roll. Mainly Betos.  Lets commence.

Coming in hot at number 

8) Chingones de Zac.

No new territory here for these chingones. It's become common practice for the chingones to start the year at the bottom of the rankings. And Olsen is not happy about it.

 

And he'll continue to yell profanities from the sidelines. The injury prone Tight End has suffered a significant injury to his foot and will not see action anytime soon.

But all is not doom and gloom for the Chingones. They were invited to be part of Nike's Kaptain America campaign. Here their feature:

 

No women were beaten in Mccoy's way to his outstanding 4 points.

Now, moving on...

7) Porky's Prime Cuts

Porky's cuts were anything but prime on kickoff weekend as they were handed their  first of many losses this season. But thats what happens when you draft a Cowboys runningback

 

Yeah it's something to cry about.

But it was expected considering who their opponent was week 1. Kaptain America is never an easy opponent.

What wasn't expected was for Porky to participate in Kap America's Nike campaign. The Ad came out rather powerful.

Keep your cuts on your side of the wall please.


6) Rigo Suave

Let's have a round of applause for the Suaves. It's quite a feat what they've accomplished here. They have officially reached their season high after just week one. No one expects for these Beer Bitch candidates to climb any higher in the rankings this season. Congrats to them.

And the Suaves have no one to thank but themselves, taking Leveon with their first pick.

 

Yeesh, I know Leveon.

And to make matters worse the Suaves drafted the man with no team... that's right.

Yup who knows what the fuck he's thinking Dez. But he has reached his season high and to celebrate he has unveiled his ad for the America campaign.

 5) BonTito Freak

The freaks squandered an opportunity to defeat the defending Champs. It was a noble effort but the freaks fucked it up as per usual. What they didin't fuck up however was their ad in the campaign:

4) Dude Where's My Carr?

The new squad starts out with a bang, beating out the Suaves in their first Gold Coast matchup. They couldn't ask for an easier opponent. But apparently they can't find their car. Is this 2001 SAAB your car?

Yeah? No?

Hmm.. well regardless, we did find your ad from the Nike campaign.

Yeah, he does.

And coming in at 

3) Fx4 Gold Rush

The Gold Rush struck Gold to start the '18 season. Quite the surprise considering they missed the playoffs last season. And just flat out sucked.

 The roster looks somewhat promising despite having some aging veterans (aka old ass fucks) mainly Adrian Peterson. 

 

But its all a matter of perception since his drafted roster has lost many crucial games to random free agents. Lets see what the future holds for the Fx4.

One thing i can tell you, is that his Nike ad is very poignant.

 2)  Kaptain America

It was just another day in the office for the Kaptain.  Many believed, the haters especially, of which Beto is the main proponent, that America would find itself in dire straits after picking but America prevailed and started out the season with a win, as is the custom. They lived up to their pre season hype, disappointing no one. Their ad did not disappoint either. 

1)  Engineering Champions

And to the chagrin of many, coming in at number one... the reigning champion.... Engineering Champions. There's not much to say other than the champs handled their business. It will be a tall task for anyone the dethrone these engineers.

Counting with the likes of Gronk and Gurley, the Champs look even stronger than last year.

But again, the season is young and there is a ton of football to be played. In the meantime peep out their ad in the Nike campaign.

Bitch Move of the Week :

Bon TitoFreak

for benching Randall Cobb and his 45 points, which would have swung the matchup in his favor against the defending champs.





Genius Move of the Week:

Engineering Champions 

for putting together the highest scoring lineup of the week. 217 points, led by none other than Drew Brees.


Random Funny Shit:

I’ll tell ya what, I’m not sure who that number 52 is for Chicago, but that guy can play. That’s the type of player you want on your team, man. I’m going to have to do some research on this guy

— Jon Gruden (@Faux_Gruden) September 10, 2018

Accidentally walked in the ESPN booth before the game, man. For a second I forgot I coach now. It was like accidentally driving to your ex’s house with your girlfriend in the car. Wild

— Jon Gruden (@Faux_Gruden) September 11, 2018

.@Raiders Hey how do I go about getting some nachos down here, man?

— Jon Gruden (@Faux_Gruden) September 11, 2018

Highlights:

College Week 2: 

 

The Pre 2018 Gold Coast Season Memo!!!

Well hello motherfuckaaas!!

                                         

It's that time of year again fellas!!

No, it's not back to school time. 

No, it's not lets be sad bc its the end of summer time.

No... its not lets move to up north 253.4 miles to the asshole of California (aka Riverbank) and start a new life because my previous life was really fucking gay and pathetic (aka Beto) time... 

No... no.. August is important for many more wonderful reasons than those.

August marks the start of a fresh new fantasy football season here in the Gold Coast. A time when dreams and aspirations of holding the Trofeo de Oro are valid and justified for all eight esteemed teams. Unless you're Erik and Fx whatevers. They have no fucking chance. 

But if you are one of the other seven dignified participants in this prestigious league then rejoice for this is the dawn of a fresh new season! 

A new draft approaches for you to take Brock Osweiler first overall (Ruben).

16 new matchups  for you to pull up on your phone and find yourself projected to score lower than your opponent.

A vast pool of talented players for you to scour through and claim that pony riding Marquette King or even better that old ass fuck Sebastian Janikowski!! Holy fuck good luck to you if you do that!

There will be several  bitchmoves of the week to be made by all. But mostly by Erik. Beto already made the biggest bitch move all season.

Be careful with group chats guys.

Anyway... don't wann take too much of your time guys but I just wanted to send out a a quick brief reminder that the 2018 Gold Coast League is coming guys!! 

Embrace yourselves.

Also, Alex is Beer Bitch ...lets not let him forget that.

Plus... get that entry fee money to the Commish .

And lastly heres a little reminder of what not to do come draft day guys:

When you need to give your fantasy leaguemates a pep talk to show up for your live draft. pic.twitter.com/egOtyoxzuS

— Marcas Grant (@MarcasG) August 11, 2018